Closing a Significant Life Chapter

Introduction

I have been avoiding writing this, my last blog while still living my dream in the Land of Israel. Human nature is such that avoids any form of discomfort, and I am no exception. Over the past several months I have been confronted from within to make a significant and complex decision – to continue living in Israel or return to Canada.

In my reflection, I have questioned wholeheartedly my role in life geographically and purposefully, and can say honestly that in trying to analyze the logistics of remaining in Israel, I found myself "between a rock and a hard place." No matter how much my brain engaged in mapping out pros and cons, all along my soul had a mind of its own, and inviting them both to the negotiating table felt much like attending a football match between two world cup teams of the countries I love most, and cheering mindlessly every time each strikes a goal. 

My love for Israel is primal, and my connection to the Land cannot be explained rationally. I believe that this place houses the seat of the soul. On the other hand, my life here lacks the nutrients for my heart, the proximity to my daughters and my extended family. I confess that I have been feeling lonely for some time and aware of my ongoing struggle to overcome obstacles, face challenges and add quality to my life. The word "struggle" comes up again and again, and I ask myself if I wish to continue this "struggle" on my own. The truth is that I am here alone and my heart is yearning for love and closeness. Looking back, I admit I made some mistakes, such as choosing to live in a semi-rural community away from the buzz of city life, which has caused me to endure long commutes and isolation from mainstream social life, especially during the Holidays. On the other hand, this beautiful home has become my sanctuary, a place of rest, reflection, and safety.  Nothing in life is black and white, and making choices is our G-d given gift packaged with uncertainty and responsibility.

Realizing my reluctance to leave the land of my dreams and ending a meaningful chapter of my life, I resorted to using the metaphor of a ship arriving at its long-desired destination, docking at the main port, and dropping a temporary anchor. Since the anchor’s job is to prevent the ship from drifting due to wind or currents, in order for the ship to remain at port indefinitely, it needs a permanent anchor, one I wasn’t able to craft in order to remain rooted to the bottom, and floating freely in my idyllic harbour.

This analogy begged the question of what anchors one needs to set roots in one place, and I suspect the answer will vary from person to person. I came to realize that culture shock and a myriad of adaptation struggles could be overcome with time, yet physical separation from close family can only be endured. Not being able to spend time with my daughters slowly ate away at me and led me to feel isolated and deprived of my main source of joy. 

On this note, with a torn heart I made the tough decision to return to Canada. The price to pay is separation from a Land I love where my heart is filled with light. The outcome, on the other hand, is to reunite with loved ones and fill my eyes with the light on the faces of the people I love most. 

Once the decision was made, I began to face a domino effect of consequences, starting from dismantling a home and shipping my belongings, resigning from work, bidding farewell to wonderful people, and trying to eat Israel up with hungry eyes to collect as many memories and experiences as possible to last a lifetime. The process has been stressful, to say the least, for the obvious fact that all along this journey I have been a one-woman show, and regardless of what I decide, I own both, the credit and responsibility. 

Now I will attempt to summarize my “Closing the Chapter” highlights as follows.

Sar El – June 17-21

I bent my schedule backward and forward to make myself available to volunteer for one week for Sar-El, the National Project for Volunteers for Israel (https://www.sar-el.org/about-us/history/).  I did this to settle unfinished business. When I visited Israel for the first time in 2013, I was scheduled to volunteer for Sar-El for three weeks, but due to unforeseen work-related conflicts, I had to cancel. This time, as I saw my time in Israel dwindling down, I thought to myself – it’s now or never. I then contacted the coordinator who made an exception to accommodate me for one week. It is obvious that I was meant to DO IT!

It was quite an experience to enter an Israeli army base. Entry for civilians is completely forbidden with the exception of Sar-El volunteers who are carefully screened. I showed up at the airport, where groups are organized and shipped off by bus to different bases around Israel and I was assigned to a group of 20 volunteers stationed at the “Tel haShomer Military Base” in Ramat Gan. At first, I didn’t know anything about this base, yet in due time learned that it houses the army’s National Health Center dedicated to the acquisition, maintenance, and provision of all medical supplies and equipment.  Upon arrival, volunteers were assigned to warehouses of various sorts and I ended up working under the supervision of “Effie” (Efraim), a welcoming middle-aged warehouse manager who was patient and kind to us volunteers. There were three of us assigned to this warehouse, and my job was to unpack, check and clean and sterilize stethoscopes, blood pressure kits, and laryngoscopes. While the job itself was repetitive, even boring, I really handled with care each instrument mindful of the fact that in case of emergency it could save a life. This experience was as close as it gets to be in the front lines, and my heart went out to the soldiers who day in a day in and day out put their lives on the line to keep Israel safe.

Sar-El Volunteer Delegation, Tel haShomer, June 17-21, 2018

Receiving my Sar-El Volunteer Certificate

I admit it wasn’t easy to live on the base for one week.  Why?  Accommodation and food were basic, as was to be expected and I was ok with it. My issue had more to do with the attitude of some of the returnee volunteers who took it upon themselves to boss others around as if their seniority granted them the power to control what newcomers do or don’t do. I had two experiences with nasty women that really upset me. The first, following orders from an 18-year old soldier, or so she said, a woman sprayed the washroom with cockroach and ant poison while women were still using the facilities. I didn’t know about this until I entered a stall and started to cough and gasp for air and my eyes started to burn. I thought something was wrong with me, yet my friend informed me about the spray and I became furious. When I approached this woman to inquire about this, she was rude stating she was following orders and even questioned why I was in the washroom at the time! I couldn’t believe how obliviously ignorant she was about the dangers of inhaling such poison. Then I approached the young soldier, and I was shocked to learn that she didn’t get it that breathing this stuff is a huge health hazard. The other incident had to do with me giving water to one of the cats on the base. When I spotted it trying to get a few drops of water from the air conditioning pipe, I quickly ran to give it water on a tray, and this nasty woman came to scorn me stating that I wasn’t supposed to feed the cats. I brushed her off stating my boundaries and my conviction that giving water to a thirsty cat was the right thing to do.

What I loved the most about my time at Sar-El was paying tribute to the flag every morning, followed by singing Hatikvah, and was honoured to be the flag person on my last day. As I raised and saluted the flag and sang Hatikvah, I prayed for Israel’s security and the safety of the brave men and women that work for the IDF (Israel Defense Force) and the IAF (Israel Air Force). 

Upon my return home I took the liberty to send the Sar-El coordinator my well-intended feedback about my experience in the program, in light of their goal to attract more volunteers. To my dismay, rather than being proactive and address any of my comments, she dared to state that Sar-El wasn’t for me. Sometimes being honest rubs others the wrong way, especially when we spell out a truth they are not willing to hear. I decided that none of these things mattered. What mattered is that I showed up, worked with my heart, and gave time and a piece of my heart attempting to make a tiny difference.

Resigning from Teaching English at Ethan H. Freed Learning Center

As soon as I made the decision to return to Canada, I had the impulse to quit work in order to free myself for a few weeks from the burden of preparing and teaching lessons and be able to enjoy the time I had left in Israel. While this sounded like a good plan, the implications were not in my favour. Not only would I leave my students hanging and find my summer salary and benefits significantly reduced, but I also could not live with the idea of quitting and ending all my good work on a negative note. Looking forward to the end of year celebrations with my colleagues, I hung in week after week until the very end. In the last few weeks, I was very stressed out juggling teaching, planning, and packing simultaneously. My official resignation did not come until the principal offered me a position for the next school year, and at that time had no choice but to state my decision to leave Israel. To my surprise, the principal, whom I often perceived unappreciative, clearly expressed disappointment, even sadness of my resignation, and stated that if I ever came back, there would be a placement for me.

Last Day of School

The last week at work was emotionally charged as I bid farewell to students and teachers. Some of my special needs students blew me away with their goodbyes, particularly a religious boy who recited a litany of blessings from the prayer book and thanked me repetitively. The truth is my two special needs groups started the school year with zero knowledge of the English language, and with repetition, practice, and consistency, they managed to learn the ABC's, letter by letter, associated with an animal or a thing. Each week they couldn’t wait to join in the singing of our famous alphabet phonics song played on video. The actual school teachers acknowledged their student’s progress and were very impressed that in spite of their learning challenges, the children managed to make much headway. This experience taught me that labelling student and having limited expectations acts like a prophecy. On the contrary, believing in them and connecting to each of them in a personal way feeds them self-confidence and a sense of achievement. For this alone, I’m glad I didn’t quit my job early!

For the end-of-year celebration, all of us teachers and principal travelled to Caesarea to visit one of the two Rally Museums that houses famous Latin American art, including some wondrous pieces by Salvador Dali. (https://www.rallimuseums.com/en/Ralli_Museums_Caesarea)

Ethan H. Freed Teaching Staff at Rally 1 Museum in Caesaria

During the visit, I was able to flaunt to my colleagues that I had been there before, thanks to a friend, but this time I enjoyed the art, even more, thanks to the pointers given to us by our accompanying art consultant. Each of us was invited to choose a piece of art and talk about it using the pointers, and I was amazed to discover the correlation between a piece of art and its viewer. 

After visiting the museum, we all went for lunch to a nearby café that was pretty packed and loud. At the end of lunch, I gathered the strength to announce to everyone my return to Canada. As I started to speak I could not help breaking out in tears vowing my love for Israel. While I spoke I was deeply moved to see everyone’s emotional reaction of support and sadness for my departure. Lots of hugs, kisses, and blessings followed before we parted ways. My seven work colleagues (Pnina, Missy, Osnat, Milene, Monica, Jacob, and Amit) have definitely given me strength and inspiration while working at the center. We bonded pursuing a challenging goal - teaching Israeli school-age children the English language!

Global Leadership Skills Seminar (GLS) - July 10

Pushing time boundaries I managed to attend a half-day seminar on the topic of Global Leadership Skills. Although I had no obligation to attend, I became interested in the topic and did not want to miss out on a unique learning opportunity. Thankfully, the seminar was in English, which made it more enjoyable and comprehensible. The skills covered, Empathy and Negotiation, are considered core in today's classrooms to help students build supportive personal and work relationships. The topics were right down my alley, and the icing on the cake was seeing some of my work colleagues one more time before my departure.

Farewell Brunch Sarona - July 6

Farewell Brunch at Sarona

I was very moved when two of my friends, Ella and Chaya, offered to host a farewell party for me at their homes. I declined as I thought it more convenient to organize a brunch at a central location in Tel Aviv. After much thought, I chose to hold a brunch at Restaurant Paradiso in Sarona, where I had had an enjoyable lunch. I was gladly surprised when 18 of my friends confirmed their attendance, yet only 10 showed up. I understood this had something to do with juggling a myriad of summer commitments. Regardless of the numbers, I was very happy to see myself surrounded by an eclectic group of friends with whom I shared paths as new Olim (immigrants), classmates, students, and Vancouver connections. Although I was mortified with the awful service at the restaurant, all that mattered to me was finding myself in beautiful Sarona surrounded by caring people from whom I received the priceless gift of time, support, and friendship.

I am pasting below a couple of my friend’s farewell wishes, which speak for themselves.

“Wishing you dearest Violeta safe trip and please know that you have journeyed far and wide physically and spiritually in our land of Israel and are coming back to Vancouver full of light and learning. Own the strength you have acquired living in Israel and bring it back to your new reality to be more of who you are.”

“Todo es para bien tuviste una experiencia espectacular y fuiste un éxito rotundo tienes que estar muy orgullos a de ti fue una prueba en tu vida que pasaste que de verdad te admiro muy pocas personas lo pudieran hacer y solas eres una gran mujer y me encantó conocerte que Dios te bendiga y espero algún día visitarte en Canadá.”

Skaat Family Farewell

Family Poster Presentation

After replying to a Facebook ad, I became the English tutor of two young boys in Rishon l’Tzion. Their professional parents – a medical nurse and an eye doctor – impressed me with their demeanour and determination to make English an important part of their children’s education at a young age. For the past six months, I met weekly with 7-year-old Amitai, and 5-year old Oshri, who were not beginners given that the boys had been exposed to English when the family lived in New York while dad was on Sabbatical. Working with each of the boys, I was blown away by their intelligence, curiosity, and an innate love for learning.

As an end-of-term project, I was pleased to guide the boys to produce a family poster, including photos of each family member and a short introduction of each person and personal notes written by each of the boys. We called this a surprise, which the children proudly disclosed to their mom in the last class. It was a privilege to work with this lovely family who enhanced my teaching experience in Israel. Upon request, the parents produced a wonderful reference letter on my behalf that really surpassed my expectations. What’s was most important was witnessing the children flourish before my eyes, and crediting parents, who instill good values in their children from an early age, setting them up for success. 

Shabbat Dinner with My Landlords

Moments Before Leaving My Home in Be'er Yaacov 

In early July I was invited to my landlord’s home for Shabbat.  Six of us, – Israela, Tsaly, Amitai, Avigail, little Ariel and I, sat at the patio table surrounded by greenery and tasteful outdoor decor. The soft summer evening was sweetened with good conversation and a sense of appreciation for the two years (minus two months) I lived under this roof feeling safe and cared for. I was handed a lovely gift of a hand-painted Kiddush wine cup and tray accompanied by a handwritten letter filled with meaningful wishes and blessings.  The morning I left my home, all the family came to my unit to say goodbye. It was a very emotional time for me, especially as I witnessed the sadness and emotion in everyone's faces, almost to the point of tears. After I left I got a message expressing thanks for being part of their family, as their children see me as their third grandma, and offered me an open invitation to come back.  

Jean, Jerome and Kids, Rafael and Maayan

Jean, Jerome, Rafael and Mayan Adidas

I met Jean and Jerome, new immigrants from France, at the Ulpan AlephPlus (A+) in Rison l’Tzion. Even though we were not in the same class, Jean and I were drawn to each other at recess and a natural connection flowed. In spite of the age difference, we enjoyed chatting in three languages. Later on, Jean and I shared time together at Ulpan Bet (B) and giggled a lot in class to be able to cope with the monotony of our evening Hebrew lessons.

I visited the family at home on two occasions, falling in love with their young kids, Rafael and Maayan who surprisingly spoke French (joke). Although Jean is a lawyer, she is unable to practice law in Israel. She resorted to teaching English and doing English-French translations. On one occasion she referred me to a client and thanks to her I able to make a few extra shekels translating a document from English to Spanish. Before leaving Israel, Jean invited me to a Shabbat lunch at her home, offering me door-to-door transportation. During our precious time together, Jean was unable to hide her sadness in anticipation of my departure and I was grateful for meeting a French family in Israel who became my friends effortlessly in the context of adaptation, common values, and connection to Israel. And I was impressed with the children already speaking Hebrew better than their parents!

Dismantling My Home in Be’er Yaacov

I never imagined how hard it would be to dismantle my home in Israel. Yes, I have moved before, but somehow this didn’t feel the same as moving from one house to another. It felt more like ending a chapter of life and putting away all the evidence. It took me two days, from 6:00am to midnight, to pack everything. During my time packing, I allowed myself to burst out crying several times, aware of the fact that I was grieving the end of the most exciting and empowering chapter of my life.

In terms of shipping my belongings, I was lucky to find a company called Dash-Express. The owner, an ex-Montrealer, was very personable, patient and caring. He was sensitive to my situation and accommodated my requests, including lowering costs to the best of his ability. I thought he was an angel sent from above. In a short time, our conversations became very personal given our Canadian background, to the point that I accepted this married man’s invitation to dinner. At first, I wondered about his agenda, but I trusted my intuition telling me that he was simply a good person enjoying good conversation with a client he deemed worth getting to know even for just one time. To date, all is well, and my belongings are scheduled for shipment via UPS once I have had a bit of time to settle in Canada.  I hope all ends well.

My Last Visit to Jerusalem of Gold

I had a few pending sights to see in Jerusalem before my departure, and I made sure to fit them in, always counting on the support and unconditional hospitality of my friend Ella. Over three days I walked the Western Wall Tunnels, as well as the City of David Water Tunnels, also called Hezekiah’s Tunnel or Siloam Tunnel. Imagine walking on water inside ancient tunnels designed by King David’s top engineers and excavated by hand in order to supply water to the residents and protect the City from its enemies. This was an experience that cannot be told, which brings to life the expression – “get your feet wet.” 

Another highlight of my time in Jerusalem was experiencing the annual Light Show in the Old City.  Ella and I walked together many kilometres through the multitude to experience wondrous light exhibits that not only reflected technical expertise, but also conveyed universal human values of inclusion, pluralism, multiculturalism, respect, and peace. I felt so proud of Israel’s message to the world spelled out with light art. What a great way to experience Jerusalem of Gold dressed in lights of a million colours, forms, and designs.  

Last but not least, I paid my last visit to The Kottel. Leaning against the Holy Wall for quite some time while the sun basted my back, I allowed myself to be, rather than force myself to think or pray. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of connection and gratitude for every single life experience in Israel, and for the extended time that allowed me to get to know Her face-to-face in an intimate and realistic way.

Trip to the City of Netanya – July 11-12

I gave myself a real treat by booking a two-night stay in a hotel in Netanya recommended by my friend Miriam, located within walking distance from the beach. I spent most of my time by the sea, taking in the outstanding view and breathing in the magnificent air of the Mediterranean, as well as strolling the main promenade (Tayelet) packed with action that made me think of the French Riviera.
 
In fact, Netanya’s population is largely French and Russian, so one feels in another world. One of the highlights was having dinner with my Vancouver friends Gill and Norm Aisler at a lovely outdoor Restaurant called London located at the center of the promenade and watching the Football World Cup over a giant screen together with hundreds of fans. This little getaway truly did me good!

Last-Minute Visit of Kibbutz Yavne
I truly pushed the envelope spending a whole afternoon at Kibbutz Yavne the last afternoon before my departure. I did it to make sure I could see and hug my friends Dvora & Eli and meet their beautiful family, particularly the recent additions – 8-month old twins born in Vancouver to their daughter Osher and her husband Assaf. It was wonderful to see this lovely bunch, catch up on family news and bid a warm farewell to my Israeli family.

Conclusion

It is hard to believe that the time has come to leave Israel after living my dream for two and a half years! In addition to my three suitcases, I arrived with an idealized perception of Israel and a big appetite for adventure, excitement, connection, curiosity and hope, and I am leaving with a multi-dimensional and more expansive experience of our Holy Land, and a mindful appreciation for the first-hand experiences, meaningful connections, spiritual awakenings, valuable lessons and deeper understanding of the Israeli way of life. 

My journey here has been filled with blessings and challenges that made my experience all that more substantial, and I am deeply grateful for it all. I have come to realize that even at difficult times the Light of G-d has shone upon me, as did the blinding sunshine of Israel and the light on the faces of the friends I met along the way, whose gifts of trust and support are invaluable. 

As I close this blog, I feel the urge to say thank you to all of you who followed my posts. It has been a good ride and sharing my experiences in writing has helped me gain even more awareness on the road well travelled, the lessons gained and the blessings received. While I am the same person, I have expanded my worldview and gained insights that have transformed me. In retrospect, I would not change anything about my decision to fulfill my lifetime dream, even if it came at a later stage in life.

Closing Poem

In the last two weeks prior to my departure to Canada, I experienced several beach sunsets both in Netanya and Rishon l’Tzion. Every time I watched the Big Lamp’s descent on the horizon, I was in awe of G-d’s creation. Each sunset reminded me of the end of my time in the land of my dreams. I wrote this poem very quickly aboard my flight back home to Canada. I hope you like it.

Sunset with Miriam

The Mediterranean Sunset

I’ve bathed in your waters

Watched the kids enjoy your waves

While the sun was rising

By your side I felt refreshed

I’ve walked your beaches

Picked your soft white shells

While the sun was setting

Days were coming to an end



I’ve heard your roar

On windy cloudy days

The Big Lamp was just hiding

To soon show its face again

I’ve taken in your scent

Floating softly in your immense

The rushing sound that never ends

Life everlasting it declares

And if it weren’t enough...

I’ve watched your sunsets

They always took my breath away

In your untamed expanse of depth

I pray to be with you again.

The end.

  


PS - Stay Tuned – Book of Anecdotes

When I return to Canada I intend to publish a Book of Anecdotes while living my dream in Israel. I will keep you posted. Please stay tuned. 

Celebrating My Second Anniversary Living in Israel

This past April I celebrated the end of my second year residing in Israel. Time certainly passed quickly leaving a sequel of insights and life lessons that in the short-term were often lost from my awareness as I strived to survive in a new country, adjust to a gamut of cultural differences, and actually, make it all happen completely on my own. In time I have come to appreciate the significance of my efforts, a realization that surfaces at unexpected times, usually when emotions run high and the heart whispers truths that words can't. The fact is that having made the journey relying solely on myself – facing ongoing challenges, overcoming hurdles, harvesting unanticipated surprises and embracing "what is" with a sense of trust – has truly given me indescribable fulfillment. Amazingly, my outpour of raw gratitude often takes my breath away and fills my being with light.

The Crossroad 
After a year living in the romantic stage loving Israel in all of its manifestations, I gradually reached the reality stage. I build a cozy home for myself, took on two jobs to pay the bills, welcomed new socio-cultural opportunities and took advantage of every chance to experience Israel in different contexts. After a while came the time to reflect on the road ahead, a process that started last December when alone in my flat and fighting the wicked flu I felt totally alone and hungry for connection to the people I love most. This introspective process led me into another stage of existence in Israel, one that I define as "the crossroad" a topic I will address in my next blog. For now, I am switching gears sharing my highlights during the first quarter of 2018.

Exhibit at the Museum for Islamic Art (January 18) 
My dear friend Ella, Program Coordinator at the Museum for Islamic Art, invited me to attend the gala opening night of the exhibit "Arabesque." While I truly enjoyed the exhibit featuring a blend of splendid Islamic art embedded in contemporary themes, what impressed me the most was the fact that such museum stands tall in the heart of Jerusalem as a bridge of communication between Jews and Arabs living side by side. Through the promotion of Islamic art and culture, its mission to encourage tolerance, dialogue and respect between Arab and Jewish cultures is accomplished considering the number of multi-faith groups and delegations that participate collaboratively in organized programs, lectures and exhibits. It was a great experience to visit the Museum and see for myself an institution devout to peace and understanding through the appreciation and cultivation of art.

Tu-B'Shvat Eco Judaism Weekend at Kibbutz Ketura in the Arava
(January 25-27, 2018) 
At a friend's suggestion, in January I decided to travel to Kibbutz Ketura located in the heart of the Arava Desert to participate in the Eco-Judaism Weekend centred on the holiday of Tu-B'Shvat (The New Year of the Trees.) The backdrop of date groves and impressive sand dunes set the perfect stage to study the significance of trees and increase my awareness of our interconnectedness with all of G-d's creation. Communal exploration of Jewish sources led me to appreciate even more the beauty and grace of the palm trees surrounding the Kibbutz and even taste their dates, the most luscious of fruits and symbol of the holiday.

The holiday of Tu b'Shvat inspired me greatly, more so when I learned that Israel is the only Country that plants trees the most and has an increasing tree population. While the tree population in the world decreases due to environmental hazards, Israel keeps the numbers up and running, one more reason to be proud of our small yet amazing Israel!

I was most impressed to learn that Ketura is a traditional, egalitarian and pluralistic Kibbutz, home to approximately 150 members, half from North America. Its present economy is based on various sources: grove sales (Medjool and Deglet Noor), educational tourism, and most importantly, Ketura is home to the first solar field in Israel and co-owns the Arava Power Company (APC) that supplies solar power to the region, as well as Algatechnologies, a Kibbutz-based factory that produces a powerful antioxidant extracted from algae which is sold to international markets as a nutritional and cosmetic agent. The Kibbutz also houses the Arava Institute for Environmental Studies (AIES), an academic institute affiliated with Ben Gurion University. The students at AIES hail from Israel, the Palestinian Authority, Jordan and around the world, in line with the Institute's motto that "nature knows no boundaries" and its belief that environmental studies can serve as a tool for creating bridges, dialogue and peaceful coexistence in the Middle East. Worth mentioning, the Kibbutz' revenues depend on the Arava Dessert greatest resource – the SUN! 

On Friday morning several of us visited the monumental Park Timna, the site of the first copper mine in the world. While I had visited Timna a year earlier, this time we were escorted by Bill, a Kibbutz member and experienced tour guide. Bill added so much more to our visit and taught us more than met the eye about this magical place. My favourite spot in the park is a valley called "Solomon's Pillars." Here I decided to climb the man-made stairs to be able to experience the park from a high point.

Teaching English and Spanish: English Center, Berlitz and Private Tutoring 
My main source of income has come from my work at the Ethan H. Freed Learning Center, the school where I spend most of my time preparing lessons and teaching. I confess that I am not made for the job of teaching children in Israel, especially in large groups. The lack of boundaries, unruliness and disrespectful attitudes often make me feel like I am waging a war in the classroom and my body wants to flee. I have prevailed for the sake of commitment and continuity, as well as my need for a stable source of income, even though I am counting the days for the end of the school year. 

Unforeseeably, in the week preceding Shavuot I had an amazing experience with a group of Grade 6 girls from Bar Ilan School, whom I meet every week. The first surprise happened when I entered the classroom after my colleagues. A dozen girls shouted in unison a loud "Violeta" and rushed to hug me at the door. Even though the protocol is to refrain from touching students, there was no way I could reject the hugs from this bunch. I also felt a bit strange looking at my colleagues who didn't get such welcome. When we broke into groups, a few students got a hold of my marker and wrote on the board in Hebrew the following:  Dear Violeta, we love you. You always teach us many things. You are a wonderful teacher. We wish you happiness and success.  Signed: Tamar, Osnat, Orli and Sarit. The meaning I attach to this is that we teachers often ignore the impact we have on students. I strongly believe that caring and teaching are inseparable and infallible.

After much reflection, at the end of January, I decided to resign from my Spanish teaching role at Berlitz. After 1.5 years, I finally realized the imbalance of my time and effort versus the ridiculously low remuneration, especially as I grew more and more tired juggling jobs and chores. As with all decisions, my actual resignation did not come easy given my bond with students which demanded me to finish what I started, as well as the Branch Manager's insistence that I reconsider my departure based on my student's rave reviews and my obvious passion teaching Spanish to my Israeli brethren. After my resignation, I continue to be in touch with a group of female students that Berlitz named “Ke Pasa” who truly appreciate me and even organized a home dinner party on my behalf. Inspired by a unit on Spanish food, I was brave to cook an excellent fishetarian Paella that I admit was beyond delicious. I am pasting below an excerpt from my student Tali, a semi-retired army officer, which speaks for itself.
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Dear Violeta,

You are such a great teacher and more importantly a wonderful, warm, caring human being. I feel so blessed and privileged to have known you and to be your student. Every week I learn so much from you, not only the beauty of the Spanish language but also a lot of exciting things and values.

If I may, and hopefully I'm expressing it correctly, thanks to you and your professional unique skills, charming personality and rare sensitivity, I look forward to this class every week, after I almost gave up a few weeks ago.

You restored my faith that I can learn the basics of this magnificent language and I'm happy you are my teacher. You are an inspiration to me!

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They say when one door closes another opens.  Such was the case when I accepted to tutor two little boys in Rishon l'Tzion and actually get paid a decent hourly rate. The parents, both professionals, make a point to teach their children new things every day and it shows. The boys, aged 5 and 7, are intelligent and eager to learn which makes my job more rewarding and enjoyable.

A Walk Amongst Iris (February 10) 
In the middle of February, I joined the nature-walking group "Metayelim B'Sababa" (Fun Travellers) set out to visit the Iris Hill in Nes Tziona, a city located in my backyard. After meeting at the train station, approximately 40 of us made our way by foot to the "Iris Hill", home of the purple Iris.  I didn't know that the exotic tthr-petal, purple/black orchid-shaped flower blooms during two short weeks in February, announcing the early arrival of spring. 

I was elated to meet nice people from different backgrounds and age groups, including at least ten Spanish speakers, an Italian, a Taiwanese, a French, two Belgians and several others whom I did not get a chance to speak to but were obviously the outdoorsy, down-to-earth type. The group leader, Moshe, an Italian middle-aged man, was extremely friendly and personable. 

The overall experience was wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed walking amongst nice people, experiencing the natural spring landscape in my backyard, and, of course, seeing with my own eyes the Iris, as well as a variety of spring flowers growing freely amongst trees and on hills and flatland, a landscape that offered any artist a magnificent mirror of inspiration. I was also thrilled to share this experience with two friends I met in Israel – Sharon Levy Frid from Mexico, and Vilma Diaz from Colombia. Vilma is my friend and Spanish-teaching colleague.

Purim in Moshav Kidron in Beit aAm (March 28) 
Monica, one of the teachers at the English Center, invited the staff to a Halloween-themed Purim party at her Moshav Kidron located in Beit aAm. My colleague Milene and I jumped at the opportunity, and lucky for me, she offered to drive.

At first, I didn't know what to expect. A Purim party at a Moshab??? Let me tell you... – the community hall was turned into a haunted house and the large crowd of approximately 150 residents blew me away with their creative costumes. I didn't fuss much with mine and was happy wearing a cow rubody suit I had bought as a pyjama.

I truly had fun dancing the night away with Milene to the sound of good DJ music and enjoying the parade of costumes. My favourite was a group of 4, an imam followed all night by his three fully covered, submissive wives. This group acted their role all night and made me laugh so hard, especially when I tried to approach the Imam and the wives shoved me away from their master.  I wish they got the first prize, instead of second, but the truth is that the contest was tight.  I was grateful to experience Purim in a Moshab community, even though I didn't know anyone there, except for Monica and Milene.

"Awakening to Freedom" Silence Jewish Meditation Retreat (March18-24) 
One week before Pesach I signed up for a 6-day silent meditation retreat at Kibbutz Hannaton sponsored by the Awakened Heart Project and Or Halev. The opportunity surfaced in good timing as I struggled internally to make important decisions about my road ahead. The idea of creating a sacred space to meditate and access my inner world really appealed to me, and as soon as I decided to go time conflicts got resolved and the plan flowed like a river, which is usually the case when things are just meant to be.



Transportation is my big challenge, and I was lucky to get a ride to the Kibbutz from a lady participant who offered to meet me at a central point. We arrived in good timing and were welcomed by the staff. I noted the Kibbutz in a state of neglect but chose to focus on my reason for being there rather than the housekeeping. We were accommodated into dorms, four to a room, and throughout the retreat, I found it difficult to co-inhabit with other women with whom I could not exchange a single word given the observation of total silence.

After dinner, we were given the silence drill and ensuing meditation. From that moment on until the end of the retreat, we didn't speak to anyone, except at two short confidential meetings with the leading rabbis. I thought I understood and appreciated mindfulness meditation, yet I never anticipated the hardship to remain silent for six consecutive days. In fact, my ego kicked in the first day, when during meditation I felt like running to the bus stop in the middle of nowhere and get myself out of there. My higher-self yelled out "sit!" so the white wolf won. However, it took me several days to quiet my mind to a point of reaching peaceful stillness. At that point, I started accessing the recesses of my inner self and experiencing a gamut of raw emotions. My urges to flee slowly disappeared and I prevailed, sat, cried, sat, prayed, sat, listened, sat, wept, sat, felt enlightened, sat and sat again.

The retreat was not a walk in the park; it certainly tested my resilience to temptations and trivial distractions. Overall, I felt safe amongst truth-seekers and supported by an enlightened community.  The two rabbis that led the retreat were great meditation role models, and the inclusion of Jewish sources to guided meditations enhanced my journey inward. Ironically, at the end of the retreat, I felt odd having to talk to people as if my inner space suddenly got invaded by strange guests.

In addition to the meditation, during the retreat, I enjoyed several afternoon sessions of yoga, and a Mikveh immersion under the guidance of Rabbi Dr. Haviva Ner-David, the very person I was supposed to meet on my arrival to Israel but never made it due to travel logistics. In addition to being a Mikveh Consultant and Immersion Guide, Rabbi Aviva is the author of the book – Chanah's Voice: A Rabbi Wrestles with Gender, Commandment, and the Women's Rituals of Baking, Bathing, and Brightening.

Sensing Rabbi Aviva’s warmth, caring and compassion, we connected in a natural and meaningful way to the point that I felt safe sharing intimacies about my life within the context of the crossroad ahead. With her guidance, my ritual immersion focused on cleansing myself from fear and doubt to be able to make decisions about my life based on trust. When I returned home I felt relieved of confusion and worry and better able to feel my way through the path ahead.

I am very grateful to the people that held my hand throughout this silent meditation and purifying journey and proud of the fact that I prevailed remaining true to my Higher Self.


Passover in Jerusalem (March 30) 
As Passover approached I fretted about spending another Festival of Freedom away from family and lacking a place to have a meaningful Seder. It sounds ironic that I would feel this way, living in Israel, the heartland of our Jewish faith. Fortunately, I ended up celebrating Passover at the home of my dear friend Ella and her family right in the heart of Jerusalem, as written in the Haggadah – "This Year in Jerusalem."

The Seder was intimate and meaningful thanks to Ella and her mom Rivka's generosity. Ella's son Jason who was visiting from Florida led the Seder with gusto, and all five of us rejoiced in the occasion. Ella's hospitality extended overnight, as it was near to impossible to return home from Jerusalem on a Shabbat and Passover night. In fact, I stay overnight at Ella's frequently to be able to spend time together and attend events in Jerusalem. I really feel welcome and at home at Ella's and I am deeply grateful for the gift of hospitality especially being alone in this Holy part of the world.

On the first day of Passover Ella and I walked to the Old City. It was both a Sabbath and Passover and the streets were adorned with joyful people, secular and religious, wearing festive garments. I felt the spirit and beauty of Jerusalem through all my senses.  The Holy City seemed covered with transparent light under a celestial blue sky. Ella and I admired the multicoloured planters hanging from window frames exhaling erotic scents of spring.  I found refuge leaning against The Western Wall (Kotel) praying, visualizing and sending blessings to my loved ones and thanking G-d for the gifts I receive day after day. I can't think of any better way to spend Passover than in this idyllic setting of Jerusalem.

Day in Ashdod Beach with the Nider Family (April 4) 

During Passover, I was thrilled to join the Nider Family – Joseph, Efraim, Moshe and Sari – at the Beach in Ashdod. Getting there by bus was challenging. While in transit I learned that there are over 12 beaches in Ashdod and after getting lost I decided to take a cab. When I finally arrived and saw 9-year old Joseph running towards me with open arms and I had trouble holding my tears.

I have known Elizabeth since she was a child. Our families go a long way back and her Mom Alla is one of my best friends. The family made Aliyah a year ago, and I had the joy to welcome them at the reception ceremony organized by Nefesh b’Nefesh. It is obvious that the family has adjusted extremely well to the new life in our Homeland and the kids are blossoming.

I witnessed how Elizabeth and Jeff are patient, loving, guiding and inspiring towards all their children. In turn, the children are naturally inquisitive, independent, intelligent and joyful. We spent several hours together enjoying the Mediterranean breeze. I enjoyed watching the kids running into the sea and building castles in the sand. When I overheard the younger ones playing in Hebrew, I was impressed! We left together after watching the sunset feeling grateful for the gift of friendship in an idyllic setting at a special time.

A Trio of Commemorations: 
Holocaust Remembrance Day (April 12), 
Memorial Day and Independence Day (April 17-18)

This year I made a point to be in Tel Aviv to attend all three national commemorations at the Rabin Square. I take pride in my courage and determination to do this completely on my own. I simply did it!  Relying on buses, trains and my feet I got to my destinations to experience Israel transcending from mourning to celebration. On both, Holocaust and Remembrance Day, I wept listening to the sirens that bring the whole Country to a complete stall, and on Independence Day I sang Hallelujah next to thousands of Israelis from all age groups whose expressions of love for our Holy Land moved me deeply. Needless to say, this year Israel celebrated its 70th Birthday, and I consider myself fortunate having had the joy to experience this milestone first-hand.  I dreamt for years to do this when Israel turned 50 and then 60. Finally, I made it for the Big Seven!  During the commemoration, I stood in awe of Israel's accomplishments and exponential growth in spite of ongoing life-threatening challenges, which in my view can only be explained through a spiritual lens. I will never forget the feeling of belonging and connection singing Halleluiah in unison with my People in Israel.

This year my birthday happened to fall exactly on Independence Day, which motivated me to stay two nights at the Abraham Hostel rather than reclusive in my basement suite in Beer Yacov.  At the Hostel, I shared a dorm with three young, non-Jewish delightful ladies from Amsterdam who listened attentively to my short lecture on the meaning of the sound of the siren followed by the fireworks for Israel Independence.

During the day on April 18, I refrained from celebrating, as it was Memorial Day. On this day we honour the thousands of soldiers who have given up their lives to protect our Homeland. The list is too long and watching footage of their short life and the family they left behind is beyond distressing.

I spent the day reflecting on birthdays as time markers that remind us that life is a finite gift. Feeling hungry, I treated myself to an Israeli breakfast and then walked several kilometres until I reached the gorgeous Tel Aviv Promenade. Sitting on a bench overlooking the Mediterranean I befriended a group of middle-aged Argentinian tourists who invited me to sip from their "té mate." I respectfully declined. We chuckled over this and that in good spirit and they all wished me happy birthday in a heartwarming, Latin way. In this idyllic setting, I received several calls from loved ones wishing me a happy birthday. I felt emotional, both happy and sad being unable to share this special time with my daughters.

Hours later I returned to the Hostel to freshen up and at sundown walked to the Rabin Square to partake in the Independence Day celebration. At sundown, I gave myself permission to celebrate my own birthday and treated myself to a gourmet Italian dinner accompanied by a glass of wine.  I then pushed my way through the crowd until I reached the main stage screening the commemoration live from Jerusalem, now officially our capital, and watching on-site performances of renowned Israeli singers and dancers. 

The next day was festive thanks to Arlene and Ella who came to meet me in Tel Aviv and together we walked for kilometres to witness the Israeli Air Forces Independence Day air show. The beaches of Tel Aviv were packed with family BBQs and celebrations. The multitude, heat, noise, and smoke from the BBQs finally drove us to walk a long way until we reached the Port of Yaffo.  At my suggestion, we settled at Kalamata, a Greek Bistro overlooking the Mediterranean, where we finally enjoyed good food, wine, and conversation.  From our window table, the three of us watched the sun setting behind the Mediterranean Sea. The breathtaking view in the company of good friends at an enjoyable and festive time made me realize those good things come from above at the right time, with the right people, and at the right place. 

Celebrating my birthday at Kalamata in Old City of Yaffo 

Israel Museum Visit and City of David Light Show (April 30) 
The morning of April 30 I left my home at 6:30 am to get to Jerusalem in time to join a tour of the Israel Museum organized by Nefesh b'Nefesh. Although this was my second time at the Museum, this visit was far more meaningful thanks to the excellent tour guide who brought to life the various exhibits.  Needless to say, the world-class Israel Museum houses the Shrine of the Book, home to the Dead Sea scrolls.  These ancient Jewish religious manuscripts found in the Qumran Caves near the Dead Sea have great historical, religious and linguistic significance dating back to the destruction of the Second Temple.
https://www.deadseascrolls.org.il/learn-about-the-scrolls/introduction

Adjacent to the Shrine I admired the Model of the City of Jerusalem in the Second Temple Period before its destruction by the Romans. The guide brought the model to life as she pointed to the various gates that still stand today including the Wailing Wall that looked much different in the context of the full picture. I learned that before the Roman destruction, the Old City was three times the size it is today.

In the evening Ella and I attended the Light Show at the Tower of David, which retells the history of Jerusalem throughout the centuries using sound and light effects reflected against the beautiful walls of the Old City, an experience to never forget.  

Group Visit to South Hebron Hills (May 4) 
A while back my friend Ella introduced me to Avi Vaknin, a local tour guide from the Tour Company Shahar Israel, and in time got added to Avi's Whatsup distribution list sent in Hebrew (thank G-d for Google translate.) As the good weather approached we decided to join the tour to the Hills of Hebron, an unknown destination for both of us.  To do this, I slept over at Ella's to be able to show up at 7:30 am in front of Har Herzl, where 25+ of us boarded a tour bus headed north.

The day was very enjoyable even though we were disappointed at the lack of narrative from the substitute tour guide who failed to mention Hebron's biblical significance and the fact that it houses the Cave of the Patriarchs, the burial place of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, and Jacob and Leah. What an oversight! Instead, we picked, ate and bought cherries in a 900-meter orchard, then toured the ancient Jewish city of Susya (Talmudic period), and enjoyed a delicious organic vegetarian lunch overlooking the golden Judean hillside. After lunch, we visited Dr. Amir Kitron's Herbs of Kedem lab and factory where he sells natural remedies and cosmetics made from locally grown plants. I gave into temptation buying a few cosmetics and supplements thinking that each and every ingredient came from locally grown herbs growing in the Judean desert climate.

On our return we were unable to get home given the traffic blockage caused by the famous Giro d'Italia, the annual Italian bicycle tour that took place in Israel for the first time ever, to honor the memory of Gino Bartali, the Italian bike racing champion who in the last decade also became a hero when the world learned that at the end of the Second World War he saved the lives of 800+ Jews by smuggling false identity documentation in the frame of his bicycle. I admit not knowing anything about this until I researched it further and even decided to introduce the story to the students at the English Center who seemed moved watching the film, especially when they learned that Gino Bartali's name is added to the list of Righteous Among the Nations in Yad Vashem.

Ella and Rivka, My Israeli “Mishpacha” (Family)

I am forever grateful to count with Ella and her mom Rivka here in Israel. They have truly embraced me and become my closest family.

I consider Ella a true friend. She has enriched my experience in Israel offering me unconditional hospitality in light of my lack of transportation, and thanks to her I have been able to attend several events and day trips. Ella is also an encouraging individual who has a unique way to inspire me to open my world to unforeseen possibilities. I respect and admire Ella for many reasons: she is classy, educated, positive an eager to learn new things; she is also thoughtful and caring. Her dedication to Rivka, her ageing mom, is remarkable, considering she recently gave up a fancy and comfortable lifestyle in Florida to attend to her mother who truly needed her. I believe that Rivka's well being is due to Ella's attention and loving care. After redecorating the home completely, she turned an old lady's home into a tasteful and functional space filled with light and colour. Window sills and the spacious balcony overlooking the reputable Rehavia neighbourhood are adorned with planters holding multicoloured geraniums that bloom non-stop and Rivka loves them. Ella also got Rivka full-time care which accounts for Rivka’s safety and quality of life. If you understand love, all you have to do is watch Rivka face looking at Ella, her daughter.

Rivka is a 94-year old lucid lady, who was born in Palestine when her parents left "Paras" (Persia) to return to the ancestral Jerusalem. She is vivacious and enjoys retelling the hardships she endured growing up in Palestine – "there was nothing here, no food, no trees, no water, no eggs, nothing..." Her sharp memory allows her to share details of the British occupation, and how the soldiers mistreated and abused the Jews, both physically and verbally. Her repetitive theme is always about survival and how lacking basic education she trained herself to sew and in time became a reputable seamstress and hat maker, sought out even by the European elite.

Her life story fascinates me because it illustrates perfectly the gestation period of a nation in the making borne out of the desert sand and the sweat and blood of a few settlers who set out to build from scratch the Israel we are proud of today. I admire Rivka's strength, good disposition and spontaneous playfulness, which reveal her ageless spirit.

Joyfully, Rivka, Ella and I have become day trip musketeers, all thanks to Ella’s driving magic. The trip that stands out the most is when we visited the Herzeliah Marina.  We got there by mid-afternoon, enjoyed a lovely lunch at a local restaurant by the water, and spontaneously boarded a cruise ship that took us around the Herzeliah coastline. The opportunity came to us on a platter. It was a quiet afternoon, the cruiser was available, and the cost was reasonable.  Rivka did not hesitate to step into the boat with support and once onboard Ella and I leaned against the rail admiring the beauty before us while Rivka’s face beamed with excitement.  Our three bodies moved to the rhythm of liberating music in harmony with the waves that rocked the boat. I will always remember Rivka’s joy on this day. She was truly present, taking in the beauty around her and embracing each minute as if it were the last.  

Vancouver Friends in Israel 

I am always excited when I learn that my Vancouver friends are visiting Israel, and more so when they make a point to connect and meet.  Since my arrival, I have welcomed at least two-dozen friends and the list keeps on growing. Often at our first encounter, I have struggled to hold back my tears. This made me realize the bond we share, as well as my hunger for connection, not to mention that meeting in our sunny and upbeat Homeland,  brings our relationship to another level.

This year I have had the pleasure to meet Hindy in February, and in May I experienced the most serendipitous unplanned meeting with Joy & Jerry in Jerusalem and a couple of days later the three us ran into Debbie in Tel Aviv, minutes after we mentioned her name. In both cases, we were scheduled to meet at a later date, but destiny had us run into each other in perfect timing.  Last but not least, I am looking forward to meeting Alan, my long-time family friend who is visiting Israel this May.

 
Cancelled Trip to Turkey (May 18-22) 
Taking advantage of the Shavuot break, Ella and I decided to travel to Turkey's capital, Istanbul, a highly reputable destination for world travellers. I was excited to be able to visit the Country that housed my Sephardic ancestors after they were expelled from Spain and connect the dots to the place my grandmother talked so much about during my childhood.  At the time of the booking, both Ella and I ignored the fact that diplomatic relations between Israel and Turkey were strained, and did not think of this becoming a serious issue. 

In the aftermath of the opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem and pre-meditated Palestinian terror operatives and riots at the Gaza border, the tension between the two countries rose to a dangerous high. Turkey's leader publically denounced Israel for killing innocent Palestinians and manipulated the truth by turning aggressors into victims in support of Hamas. A day later Turkey ousted the Israeli Consul to Turkey in a vengeful and humiliating way. Later on, two Israeli journalists were attacked in the streets of Istanbul. These events set a bad stage for Ella and me to have an enjoyable holiday and after much consideration, we both decided to cancel our trip, even at the expense of losing our money to ensure our safety.

Closing Poem “The Landscape is Changing”

Spring is in full swing

Summer is approaching

Children run and play

Families gather around them

Streets teeming with action

Trains and buses commuting

People coming and going

Everything is moving

The landscape is changing

Thirsty flowers are fading

Green grass is browning

The sun is blinding and burning

The air in this land breaths deeply

Smells of yearning and loving

By day voices are speaking

By night the breeze blows softly

The landscape is changing

My time in this Holy Land is lapsing

My awakened heart is smiling

With the sadness of love everlasting

Violeta Esquinazi

May 21, 2018